can you see through the eyes of a dreamer?

UHM i don't feel like writing about europe bcus it feels like forever ago
so i won't :)
cept i write about that one time when deniz
spit a mouthful of toothpaste and water in my face.
steffo=totally owned
and i must say, it was almost completely unprovoked! kind of.
I DON'T DESERVE THIS SO EARLY IN THE MORNING T_T

anyways i guess the rest of the summer looks someting like:
SAT classes
and mega huge loads of SAT prep for last minute testing T_T
HK end of july for 2-3 weeks?

i wish for longer, but i'm kinda excited that i'll be there during the olympics

wish i could go :/

at the moment, i'm kind of frustrated that
i don't like our summer reading whatsoever and it's SUCH A DRAG to get through
i hate driving
but i want to be able to?
i'm out of shape and so very sore
yet desperate to get fit again
i'm trying to eat healthily after europe but failling miserably
i have so many tests i still have to take
and i have to start writing for my app?
and how i miss my friends :( but i'm barely making an effort to get back in touch?
i'm such a contradiction! :P

but at the same time, i'm pretty content
although my dad won't let me go to japan to see ft island :( hahaah

i wish my hair would grow faster!

and also, everyone should go check out ft islands new pv for their newest japanese song :)

i'm bored and should be doing something productive
but i'm not.

bbl tonight :)

edit:
i'd like to say that i EFFING HATE COLLEGEBOARD.
the end.
why is it that it's always our class that gets screwed over?
whatever
i guess it just gets more competitive from here :/

FAVORITE PEOPLE IN EUROPE LIST

i kept a list of my favorite people in europe in my journal. and that is how i will begin the telling of our 16 days in europe!

0. harker journalism!

ENGLAND
1. the queen
2. rob mason

"so uh what do you do for fun?"

"hmm get drunk?"

"what about night life, any clubs?"

"yeah but they're sht."

3. cute asian boy sighted in london

4. dancing drunk guy outside of H&M (he had a beerbottle in his buttpocket)
5. jane austen's brother

6. dave!

FRANCE

7. cute korean tourist sighted at the louvre

8. cute korean fob couple sighted between sully and riche louie (at the louvre!)

9. donovan yan and co. at the toyota dealership

10. the hotel staff at our hotel

ITALY

11. rohan II and his coworkers

12. the asian guys who stood outside their restaurants and the gelato place

13. that cute italian boy who smiled at us as we water taxiied away to the airport

the end!

MORE PHOTOS TO COME
:D

PLANES, TRAINS, AUTOMOBILES, and BOATS

i am bacckkk :))
it feels SO GOOD to be home
but europe was SO FUN :D

i don't really feel like writing everything about it
i think i will eventually...
but for now, go to
talonwpee.blogspot.com

:)

EUROTRIP

off to europe! :)
bath, england: june 11-june 17
paris, france: june 17-june 21
venice, italy: june 22-june 25
london, england: june 25-26
home. :D

mr daren says we might not get internet/he's not LETTING US use internet "bcus we have to be here. on the trip." and he says no phones. although mine's triband, maybe it'll work in europe :P i'm bringing it anyways....
SO EMAIL. TEXT.
:)

farewell for now.

i hate packing.

!!!
HAPPY TWO DAYS LATE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY FT ISLAND!! :D
i'm a terrible fangirl D:
i remember a year ago was the first time i had heard of ft island, while studying for my chem final.
lol mai had sent me a picture of jonghoon and their mv and i was o_o so in love with them <3
and now. my daddy won't let me go :((
BOO.
their songs never get old :P
i can't till their second korean album comes out :))

[20:26] dezfez: i hate packing
[20:26] dezfez: i wish people could just walk around naked
ewww. well i guess if people weren't ashamed, it'd just be a part of life. but adam and eve already ruined that for us so i guess it's not really an option :/

so weather in england and france are kinda coldish, like 60s (haha cold for a calfornian....but it's summer!) and italy is pretty warm but WET. i have no idea how to pack :/ but i think i'll take my mothers advice and BUY whatever i'm lacking :D

i think i'll watch a movie tonight with simran :))
i feel like watching a good chick flick :P

so on sunday, eric talked about honesty and how it's super important in a relationship and i was like DANG T_T mindreader.
i dunno.
i'm just bad at confronting people, so it's not necessarily deceiving them, right? hahaa
whatever.



















LOL epitome of MY LIFE.

secret #2.
she has an irrational fear of falling in love with her best friend.

i was right!

after i took (failed) my bio SAT, it felt like an incredible weight had been lifted off my shoulders..I'M FREEE :))

my dad and i walked around stanford shopping mall and bought ice cream and stuff, it was fun :)
and we were joking around in tiffany's and co and my mom was like T_T WTF SO EMBARASSING. my parents are so weird o_o

we went to a thai restaurant which was not nearly as good as the one in NYC.

and also! i cut my hair :P

EUROPE IN TWO DAYS and yet, i'm not entirely excited :/

blegdfdgjoi

i feel so lazy now :)

but i miss you all :(

HELLO SUMMER! :D

it doesn't feel quite right yet, but i'm sure it will
as soon as saturday is over!
as soon as we arrive in bath, england!
as soon as it gets unbearably hot :)

and now. i am a senior :)) teeheee

the mando final was ahhhhlright, i'm sure i made a couple to a small number of few mistakes :/ and with no curve?? please dr. j, i need to go to college.

humm afterwards, i finished up yearbook work, SPRING SUPP IS ALMOST DONE!! :D i'm proud of us :) with relatively NO help from the staffers :P even though the old editors started it for us....
ejsflgk !
deniz and i went to get froyo and then came back to pick up cameras for europe.
hung out with glish and alan
took a while to get home bcus alan wouldn't give my phone back unless i took a shot (I DID NOT FYI)

and now i've procrastinated for like 4 hours T_T

and also, i didn't get to say bye to a lot of my friends and my yearbook is still very blank. :(
blehh i hope i see them soon :/

on the other hand, i found my pencil that i lost a really long time ago.

:)

almost theree :D

SUMMER SCHEDULE
june 10-26 EUROPE (england, france, italy)
july~ (dates are ehh) ASIA (hongkong, shanghai, guandong, japan/korea??)
august (if i'm home!) well mai and i were going to make duh moneyz working at harker the first two weeks of august but we might just want to stay in asia a little longer :D bcus we're not being paid T_T and the hk thing fell through.

ANYWAYS
i'm excited. so so excited.
for summer, for senior year, for everything!

ALMOST DONE, just my chineeese final :D don't feel like studying.
this entry is very short. just for brian :D

THE END.

is near!

this is indeed my second post of the night.

the other day, mr. hanlon recited a list of top ten things to remember about period 5
and i was on it twice!

once for:
"stephanie's constant giggles whenever i said the word 'shuah'"
and
"i'm not one for giving advice but i will now, whenever you leave the house, always remember to SHET DE DO!"

SO NOT FUNNY ANYMORE YOU GUYS T_T

and also,

it seems to me that senior year has so much potential.
i've been thinking about it a lot lately

i always thought it was kinda overrated and stuff, and how old it was to scream and yell whenever they mentioned "seniors!" or "class of ___!"
but now i know

IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A SENIOR.

a list

(THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE POSTED ON SUNDAY BUT NEVER HAPPENED.)

of things i've done and things i've thought about

1. yesterday, while i was restarting my computer, it kept getting stuck on just my desktop and it wouldn't load T_T so i drew my desktop with a blue ballpoint pen while i waited. my desktop is ft island :B it started out as just wonbin's scarf but my computer was taking so long that i just drew him. and jaejin. and minhwan's shoulder, and part of hongki's on the other side of wonbin bcus he looked lonely. i kinda like it :P

2. a group of people and i got together and divided up dr. harley's monster study guide and each worked on a few chapters and in a few hours/ a day, we have a pretty comprehensive, completely complete, study guide. i'm kinda scared of, but oddly proud of, our 32 page creation.
(it is sooo mega funny. for example.
hyphae: stupid and dumb
alternate example: thread like etcetc.
I LAUGHED SO MUCH AND IT HELPED ME ON THE TEST.
prezygotic:
mechanical-bee cannot fuck a plant.)

3. i find it hard to completely trust everyones work, or not trust, but i feel better doing things myself so i've begun my OWN completion of the study guide to add on our 32 pages T_T. so far i've done 4 out of 17 chapters haaahaha :(

4. after i read janet's fb note/blogspot entry, i looked up scissor-lock and other things related to it and i spent like half an hour reading people's accounts on soompi. bcus soompi has all the answers. and it thoroughly freaked me out and i was too scared to turn around or anything even though it was 11 AM.
i felt alright bcus at first, i read that it was just a korean thing and i was like yay! but then i read more stories by not korean people, but other asian people. supposedly in chinese it's called gui ya T_T sounds so scary.
SO WEIRDED OUT RIGHT NOW. good thing i sleep on my side. and i pray often. GOD FTW!

5. so i've always wondered why God made us so complicated. i mean like, anatomically speaking and shnitzle, if we didn't have so many PARTS we wouldn't have so many PROBLEMS, i mean what's the point anyways T_T
and besides, if we were just blobs and stuff, i would have around 10 chapters less to study for the bio final.

EDIT: TUESDAY

6. ACED MY TWO FINALS TODAY :DDD sort of. kinda. i like to think i did :P
i hope my grades went up!

7. sat in deniz's car and ate a mcflurry while getting mcfat and watching people from prospect migrate in herds. we wondered what it'd be like to go to a public school just for a day. or a week if the boys were super cute or something.

8. i contemplated my future (aka college) for like two hours today. and felt very sad. until seany told me some very cliche and corny advice which made me feel slightly better so now instead of worrying while procrastinating, i'm blogging while procrastinating.

i've probably run the gamete of emotions this week/today

EUROPE ON TUESDAY. o____o

DR HARLEY WROTE THIS IN MY YEARBOOK:
you and you friends have been a pain in my neck! but for some reason i will miss having you in my class. i will have to find someone else to give the stinkeye to. hope you had fun and learned something!
-DR HARLEY.

i wrote him an apology letter on the back of my final.
so did simi.
:P
i'm going to miss him/that class so much! i love my class :) esp that back row ;) HAHAHA

POSSIBILITY OF MEETING FUTURE HUSBAND (OH WONBIN) IN JAPAN THIS SUMMER.

i'm so sleepy.

i think i should go memorize things now :/

pee.s. this entry is semi-not-coherent.

i don't know how to study.

:(

MANLY POINTER

i srsly have to stop spending so much money on food. i've eaten out at least once a day for the past like WEEK T_T
and i feel really fat.

eguhhhgfg

althoughhh my grades aren't that great
i feel really good right now

spring fever/senioritis(junioritis) D:

so today:
1. we were discussing amy tan in class and i decided that i couldn't really say anything during class bcus mr. hanlon was looking at this story from such a foreign point of view but to me, (and ryan and winny etc) it was too familiar. haahha
"your baby was 5lb? MINE WAS 6."
"america with citizens who can't tell a good analogy from a bad one is like....people who think i'm philippino. I'M CHINESE."
"gatsby feels really sad even though he's got that HUGE ASS HOUSE. i mean really big."
"yeeeeh her dress is like the sandals those annoying kids in chinatown wear that squeak whenever they walk."
"OHHH CRAP I WROTE AN ANALOG."
-ryan tam is so eloquent :P
2. deniz and i waved at some firemen and they waved back :D
3. EMILY CHOWW :) we love you.
4. simi showed me a picture of a naked mole rat that was captioned like this:

This is a naked mole rat, native to Africa. So remember, if you're ever having a bad day, at least you don't look like a penis with buckteeth."

it was during bio, my reaction was quite unfortunate.

i'm going to miss dr harleys class sooo much :P

ANYWAYS I MUST GO STUDY FOR BIOLOGY.

cracking JUNIOR YEAR

why is it that i feel so overwhelmed with just 8 days to go?
:(
1. mathematica
2. graduation article/page
3. history extra credit
4. prepare for english inclass essay?? (i think he plots ways to drag down our grade at the very end of the semester T_T)
5. prepare for end of year optional test in biology (hoping this will RAISE my grade??)
6. link application
7. schedule and outline yearbook meeting for wednesday and figure out food for 40 people D:
8. APSA PROJECT??
9. study for the bio SAT
10. eat some froyo
11. die.

the END
asdjflg
JIAYOU JIAYOUU

but on the other hand i'm pretty excited for summer! despite the fact that summer also means report cards x_x

and also, we're definitely officially seniors.
are you ready, '09? :))

tentative summer plan!
work with a relief/mission team in sichuan, china. PRAY HARD, STEFFO.
i want to go so bad, pleaseee God.

ALDJSFNGKAKJSDASFPOIEIRWUKSJFSDKFKFrijaiesjrfkg
oh and working at harker might not work D:<
annoyed.

ALMOST THERE.

你说。。。

你感觉到你整个生活都知道我。那为什么我感觉我真的不懂你？我们 应该是最好的朋友，不是吗？我应该什么事都能告诉你，但是我每次都不敢打你的电话。还有呢，你也不告诉我你的事情，你的心痛。我愿意了解你，原意帮你。你什么事都能告诉我, 你知道马？
我觉得我们的友谊很浅。
我们两个一起真的很笨。
我们不在一起的 时间就是你最想念我的时候。让我觉得你看不到我的时候，你才想到我。但是现在，
我好想念你。
我也想念我们以前的友谊。

P: "我希望你每天起床的时候都知道你在一个人的心上。"
对我每一个朋友，你们应该知道吧 :)

edit:
there is a huge moskito in the bathroom.
that's how ana spells it :/

REPLAY

simi: "he said he really, really, really, really, liked me"
deniz: o___o "omg that's like, one really away from love!"

:D

but everyone is telling me it's not just black and white.

GRADUATION was today :)
i'm so so proud of the class of '08 and i will miss them SO much :( it's been a good 4 years together :)
in a year, that's going to be us :(
already scared.

other than nostalgia, i also felt very very cold this morning :/
deniz called me around 7:20 and said "i'm on my way!" so i told her to wait ten minutes and rolled out of bed.
by 7:50 we were at simi's house and by 8:02 we were eating bagels at the store across the street.
AND SO tianna and i spent two hours at the top of the callbox taking notes and photographing grad
and it is unbelievably COLD and WINDY up there my notes look really bad :(
afterwards we put everything away and came back to take photos with the new grads! :)
we went to johnnyrockets later and ran into won and erin and their mommy :)
we bought mr pandich a puzzle book and then
...i dunno did random things.
and THEN i got kicked out of deniz's car :) HAHA
i found some sick shades at pacsun.
sean asked me, if he bought them for me if i'd wear them everyday.
and i so would.

mai and i made it our summer goal to be pretty.
:D bahahaha

HELLO PAUL!

SHINee

is so cute!
esp taemin :)
even though he's like 14. his dance moves are baller and so are his shoes.
his smile is so charmingg <3
and i don't feel like a pedofile bcus...their debut song is for their noonas.
that'd be me.
CLICK ME :D
i don't think they're supah studly (yet) but it's catchy!
and victoria song is soo pretty :)

TIME TO DO DA DANCING.

bleghkl my tummy kinda hurts.

we went to yogurtland today and i saw alexkim's friends (and emchow's godbrother)
these two groups almost got in a fight
and now sim is like o__o asian gangstas?? BAHAHAH
so stupid T_T
anyways. yogurtland is bomb <3

grad is tomorrow.
:( i'll miss them!

bahh!! i'm so excited for this summer. !

0. '09 JUNIOR PARTAYY
1. EUROPE
2. HK
3. CHINA/KOREA/JAPAN/SINGAPORE (we'll see about the last three, it all depends on my daddy)
4. HARKER (working with fob kids for moneyz?? yayy :D)

i can't wait to leaveee :))
aldsk :D

i was watching the last EP of BSM but then i got bored :/

at lunch we were talking about whether or not you could see a hole. which is the absence of matter. and daniel says you can but the others say you can't. so can you see darkness?
they said no, it's the absence of light.
so then i asked if you could feel hate, the absence of love and brian proceeded to glare at me:
"CAN YOU FEEL IT??"
jerk.
i think you can though, it's the absence of God.

be hopeful.

at the moment....
i'm at one of those low points of junior year
even though as of tonight, we're officially seniors and there are only two weeks left in the academic year...
it seems like everything that could go wrong is
and i'm so tired of it

1. what the hell am i thinking, i'm in the same situation i was in months ago and it's getting ridiculous
i feel like a retard and now i know
it's definitely not worth it
2. i left my drawing portfolio outside and i was hella distracted and just left and now i have no idea where it is
3. steven curtis chapman's daughter died :/
4. my chapstick (which makes my lips tingly) melted while it was lying horizontally and then hardened and now it's STUPID shaped and i can barely use it D:<
5. my favorite teacher just announced to me that he's moving to seattle. i kinda just wanted to bawl right there in front of him in that empty classroom. he had to explain it to me really carefully and slowly and i felt kind of retarded because i had problems comprehending it...he told me he wanted to tell me personally because i had asked him to write my college recommendation....
and for some selfish reason, i feel kind of angry. that he decides now, that i can't take the two classes i signed up for, and that the underclassmen will never get to have him as a teacher.
and inside, i almost wished he waited a year to get married. just so he could stay to see us graduate.
6. i'm a jerk to my friends
7. this biology lab is frustrating me to no end
8. the fact that school is virtually useless yet we still have to go and for the first time in like two weeks, i have hw and i'm not in the mood to do it.
9. i hate my prom picture and i hate my face
10. i miss God.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT

he said "listen to your heart and find your own path" as advice to the seniors
everyone says that and it makes sense
but how the HELL do you know what it's saying T_T

b: jealously guard your heart
yes yes yes.
that seems like the hardest thing in the world when you can't even trust yourself


God is good all the time and all the time God is good...
(repeat repeat repeat)

我觉得。。。

我现在很烦。。。因为我根本都不懂他。
我怎么知道他在想什么？谁知道读男生有怎么难 T_T
上一次，我已经了解了，已经包容了。现在呢？我怎么相信他？
我每天也有一点伤心，我 应该是他的最好的朋友，不是吗？
我对他就是一个backup巴。
我一点也不了解他。

edit:
i am quite possibly the laziest person....ever.

but i mean, school is kind of useless now
and i'm tired of going T_T

you really suck D:<

together NE-YO

please don't believe the rumors :(

edit:
regatta was not as fun as it could have been
they split up our advisory :( (colletti's cool crew!) which was supah lame
anyways i kinda fell asleep :/

b: sometimes love sucks...it hurts like a bitch
b: SORRY
b: but what about the good times?
b: you hafta be willing to put yourself back out there
b: make yourself vulnerable
b: and you never know what could happen
b: its the scariest thing in the world but its also the most beautiful thing in the world
b: if you're always scared of getting burned by someone
b: how will you ever be happy?

this makes sense.

shogunate pie.

i'm sleepy but i have to study for bio :(

JUNIOR REGATTA TOMORROW :))
i'm pretty excited.

so i decided i'm relationally incompetent as eric puts it, last week i rated myself as a 7 on competence but i'm more like.....4 or something :/
love does not envy, it does not boast
yet everyone seems to say that there has to be a certain degree of jealousy and over protectiveness to show you care?
bleh -__-

i feel like i haven't done enough work this weekend lol -_-

and because this entry was so pointless
i will now include

a list of five random things about myself.

1. i like to read answers.yahoo.com
2. i hate when people leave the cereal boxes open
3. i like to put on carmex bcus it makes my lips all tingly :)
4. i trust people really easily and i value sincerity
5. i hate deleting text messages to much that i have to delete one every time just to make room for incoming ones.

i, i , i
so selfish :(

UNTIL TOMORROWW