20090227

1AM skype.

i wish i could be like raghav and find the happy mean.
aka
working just hard enough as a second semester senior to earn a B
cruiiiisin.

i'm flunking school.
!!

20090218

Fill me with You

retreat was the best thing that happened to me this break (except... :B)
or well, almost the ONLY thing that happened to me this break -_-
the weather was ridiculously terrible, it hailed the first night we got there. it hurt :(
but living in the waterlogged mountains with your church family and
bonding with each other and God
is the best experience in the world.

i'm very thankful for the relationships i strengthened and the new ones i formed.

hrmm

DAY ONE:
we moved in and chilled and ate a lot.
we had our first session
we received our "lives" and filled it up with the good things and the bad
i found it hard to concentrate, particularly because we were pretty exhausted.
we stayed up pretty late talking, it started with "let's ask each other questions" but turned into "lets ask the senior girls awkward questions."
underclassmen are very very curious...

DAY TWO:
rain rain rain
we had a few more sessions, ate a lot more
sermon was focused a lot on forgiveness. pretty hard to digest...
group activities and games :)
lots of bonding and eating
LOTS OF FREE TIME=FACEBOOK. i never realized how dependant i was on it T_T sighh
we got back together to share more about forgiveness and the mood ended up kind of solemn :/
hrmm we got kicked out of the lounge when we tried staying up all night playing bang
so we went back to our cabin to play mafia with the young adult and talk about...boys :)

DAY THREE:
MORE RAIN T_T sigh
but slightly better today.
a lot more bonding and eating, more sessions
more praying.
more playingg
we had our campfire. indoors
it was a good time for reflection and reevaluating
ridiculous body worship (better stay off fb....) and gospel choir (HAHA)
we sorted out our "lives" and did a symbolic and physical dump of everything bad into the fire.
it felt really really good, to be able to get rid of something so easily, and be surrounded by people who are in all sorts of different places in life, but know that they're with you in some way.
but it was also really difficult to realize how hard it would be to change.
regrouped with cabins
didn't stay up too late, james came around 1 to borrow the febreeze for various bathroom needs....jen and sally came by around 2, but most of us were asleep....

DAY FOUR:
slept in :) did cabin clusters
prayed.
BRUNCH (river of life left, LESS LINES :D)
last sermon
group photo
packed
..more photos
and home :)

and that is it in a nutshell.

Holy fire burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of You and is of me.
I want more of You and less of me.

Empty me, empty me
Fill, won't you fill me
with You, with You
The Room.
i wanted to cry, listening to alice read this story outloud
for some reason, none of us felt like discussing it. instead, we shared and prayed about each other
blafjoigkjk!!!
read it!

that is all, i said i would go to bed an hour ago, but i didn't.
good night!

20090212

XX V

since i've been tagged so many times, i'll write one.

1. i have a strange obsession with beautiful people. which is why i spend a lot of time looking at uhljjangs. i think jungroo, angelababy, and park boram are the prettiest :)

2. potatoes are my favorite food bcus they are versatile. mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, french fries, hashbrowns, etc. vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles is deniz's favorite food.

3. i like smart and charming boys who smell good and give good hugs :)

4. junior year was the best year of highschool and second semester senior year has yet to live up to high standards. i'm hoping it'll be underrated by graduation.

5. i'm scared of growing old alone.

6. i hate the expression "follow your heart." it sounds all cute and romantic and sentimental but it's also the most frustrating thing to do.

7. so many people come and confide in me their secrets and problems. yet i feel like i'm terrible at giving advice. i'm always here to listen though!

8. i think boys look HOTTT dressed up :)

9. i'm super duper un confrontational and pretty bad with words. and really awkward.

10. i believ that arron and gui gui belong together forever. and i suppose xiao gui can have a girl too, just not gui gui. and i really need to see episode 15 but i'm going on retreat tomorrow so i can't :(

11. i love blackcurrent frutips

12. my body is super unproportional. and i like my nails best.

13. inbox (1) makes me very happy.

14. i love sunflowers and daisies

15. sometimes, my heart hurts O_O really. when i'm looking at someone i love, like my family. or when i get upset over someone i love :( or i miss them.
it doesn't REALLY hurt, but it's all tickly and it feels weird :/

16. my favorite things to do in the spring are lay on the turf in the sun after school or eat froyo or go to harker baseball games

17. i want to go to chinatown and buy cellphone charms and earrings

18. the doors of the new f21 dressing rooms remind me of alice in wonderland

19. i'm worried that my roommate will hate me in college

20. shiho thinks i'm a pimp. :(

21. i forgot my calculator almost every math final and one time barrett asked all the math teachers if they could lend me one. ahaha :B

22. i don't really like to eat baked goods unless they just came out of the oven

23. the weather yesterday was the best weather

24. i'm a packrat and i can't throw anything away. which is why my room looks the way it does

25. i plan on finishing my paper outline tonight. at least.

20090211

TEA PARTY, 11:15.

i feel really unmotivated to post nowadays.

so far, this break has been ehhh but i've been sleeping slightly more. as in, going to bed at unGodly hours and waking up at noon T_T i'm forcing myself to get up at 9 though, at latest.

i went shopping with simi yesterday :)
todayy...i will be having a lunch date with wei wei
and then going to dinner with mai and shiho (she's leaving on thursday! D:)

i will gain 2794893 lbs today.

sigh, i'm very worried due to the fact that hhms is down. if it isn't up by thursday i'm not doing my hw -___- bcus i'm leaving on friday. yah and then the teachers will be D:< so i suppose i'll be staying up very late monday night T_T

hmm i should get started on my paper :(

TO DO FOR THIS BREAK:
sleeeep more
visit megan
have an influential time at retreat (if that makes sense)
write my shakespeare paper T_T
watch the 14th episode of pi li mit HAHA
hmmm
i don't really have many this time :/

THAT IS ALL.

i miss you! :)

20090207

Suspiciously happy post

for brian

break is magnificent
i went to yearbook today for 5.5 hours T_T

i'm hanging by a moment here with you.

20090201

The best luck I had was you <3

WING IT!
was slightly bittersweet.
although it was a bit of a let down as our senior production, i had a lot of fun.
i'm going to miss dance production....
but i'm kind of glad it's over.

i've been feeling really guilty lately for not trying harder in my classes even though i'm so exhausted -___- and also, i feel like most of my stress comes from classes i take voluntarily, shakespeare's comedies, yearbook, apsa
T_T why do i do this? bcus i LIKE IT? looool
sigh.

but i do like it T_T

i don't want to let down my teachers :/ or myself. i kinda want to do well.
but i'm tired :(

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
the australian men's final was intenseee, the women's was kinda a let down :/
i'm so screwed for stats
I'M GOING TO RETREAT :) eheheh only the seniors at my church are going T_T yahh '09 is gonna have a good time <3
i want my bangs to grow
apsa :(
my hair doesnt grow straight -____- or anything else. it's just gross.

i messed up really badly friday night
and dr j hugged me and said "it's okay to be different!"
haahahah and it made me feel a lot better
:B

baaaaaah