Late Morning Rambles

1. i think that i'm a huge hypocrite and people give me more credit than i deserve. people supposedly view me as "sincere, and nice" and i "have a heart of gold." they seem to view me higher than how i view myself and to be honest, i'm not a very nice person. i don't think? and i'm quite loud and obnoxious and tend to gossip too much and cuss a bit. all sins.
i went to church by myself on sunday, which was a bit sad. i mean, yesterday was just a sad day in general bcus my rose salve also melted :( and got on my car leather!! :( though it got better bcus won and my mommy and sisters came home.
anyway, the pastor spoke (more generally directed towards a family audience) about leading a blessed and changed life in order to SHOW people how God's affected the way you live. and i began to think (along with the fact that i was translating the sermon in my head faster than the translator was...) that i am hardly a walking testimony.
back in the underclassman years, i tried quite hard to bring my friends to church-and i did. they attended youth group, sunday services, Christian concerts with me, but i have nothing to show for it. so maybe i was trying too hard.
i considered myself to be a good person at the age of 13, naive and innocent. sort of
i'm vaguely different now, although people tend to remember how i used to be.
i don't know where i'm going with this.
but!
as of now, i'm swearing off swearing.
and i hope college makes no time for silly girl gossip.
and i wish i had gone to retreat...

2. i have an (irrational?) fear of becoming completely unoriginal. which is why the thought of having a mac, an ipod touch, a jansport backpack, and rainbows, all at once (not that i do. yet.), makes me feel slightly disturbed
.........
and very materialistic.
i can't help but want to go shopping every last day i'm here just bcus shopping, among other things, presents a dark black hole of mystery down in LA.
MUST. NOT. SPEND. MONEY.
FIND. JOB. (at school...)

3. i'm sorry if i offended anyone/if you have all of the above^

4. my bedding in college is going to be extremely festive. which is vaguely exciting. okay, i lied, very exciting.
my comforter has cinnamoroll on it :) heh sanrio <3
i'm sorry mai, it had to be done.

5. i probably use my mac flight tracker more than a normal person would. which makes me feel slightly all-knowing as well as really, really creepy. on that same note, i am going to track deniz's flight from amsterdam to SFO and i am shoooper excited.

6. my sisters went to thailand WHAAT -_- jealous. they got me cute things though. from hk too, keychains and pens and pencils and the headphones i was GOING to buy with cheney. they know me too well??
cell phone cases and charms (PANDUH!) and a laptop case and my beloved cinnamoroll blanket <3

anyway, that is all.